​The Futility of the Fortress: Decoding Defensiveness

Introduction
A great fortress may serve as a formidable defence against physical adversaries, but when applied to the realm of interpersonal communication, such a stronghold can prove counterproductive. The instinctive impulse to be defensive, while ingrained in our human nature, often contributes to stunted emotional growth and strained relationships. This defensive behaviour, as explored by renowned spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, reflects an overly protective ego reacting to perceived threats.

CGI concept of as defensive stronghold

The ego's armour: defensiveness
Defensiveness often arises from the wounded or threatened ego, which works to protect our self-concept and maintain the illusion of our own infallibility. Tolle characterises the ego as an illusory sense of self, borne out of unconscious identification with the mind. This ego, when confronted with criticism or perceived attacks, tends to erect barriers of defensiveness.

This defensiveness, as Tolle puts it, "strengthens the ego's sense of boundary and separateness," ultimately isolating us from others and reinforcing our own insecurities. The unattractive quality of being offensively defensive comes into play when the ego feels excessively threatened, prompting overreactions even to minor questions or slight criticisms.

The virtue of openness: embracing feedback and criticism
While it may be an instinctive response to shield oneself from perceived harm, an alternative approach that cultivates openness to feedback and criticism yields significantly more constructive outcomes. Exposing the ego to possible challenges and critiques allows for a richer understanding of self, and encourages growth and development.

Embracing feedback and criticism doesn't mean accepting unwarranted negativity or unfounded accusations. It involves actively seeking, listening to, and considering constructive comments about our behaviour, actions, or work. This constructive engagement allows us to evaluate ourselves more accurately, identify areas for improvement, and develop strategies for personal growth.

The disarming effect of vulnerability
Choosing to be open and vulnerable rather than defensively guarded can have powerful impacts on our relationships and personal growth. When we lay down our defensive armour, we communicate that we value connection and understanding over the preservation of a flawless image. This creates a safe space for dialogue, understanding, and deeper connection.

Tolle believes that practising presence – being fully aware and accepting of the present moment – helps in disarming defensiveness. By being present, we can observe our defensive reactions without judgment and make conscious choices about how to respond, instead of reflexively defending our egos.

Conclusion
As we navigate through life's challenges, the fortress of defensiveness proves to be a futile defence against real growth and connection. By embracing feedback, fostering vulnerability, and disarming our defensive tendencies, we step onto the path of genuine self-improvement, forging more authentic connections along the way. The true victory lies not in the defences we construct, but in the walls we consciously choose to bring down.